I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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