Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%