do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.