They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
