Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"