I wish I could teleport
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think my vagina is haunted
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
