just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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