Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
