why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
