Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
