That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
