I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
