woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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