Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
