A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
