do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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