loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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