Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
