im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
