Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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