i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am one with the molecules
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
