You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wish my penis had a tongue
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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