dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
