If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
