i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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