the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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