I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
