well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
