Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
