broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
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If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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