who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
