there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
