I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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