wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish you could order shots online.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
