I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
