false alarm. still invincible.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
