My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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