i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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