i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
