I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize