Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
