I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
