I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
