you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize