Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
