I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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