Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
