im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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