Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
