Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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