haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
