Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
