so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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