I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
