Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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