I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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