I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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