I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
