I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
