Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
