once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
