question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
