There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
