I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
