She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
