Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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