What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
