Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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